Sunny is doing okay these days, but not great. She is wonderful, but she breaks my heart.
When I made the decision to put Meelee my cat to sleep last week, it wasn’t an easy one, and she was old and sick. I read a lot online about pets and end of life issues and when it’s the right time to say goodbye, but there were no easy answers to be found.
With Sunny the decision is even more difficult.
Her body is pretty good, but her legs are painful with each and every step, and they can’t be fixed. Her pain management long-term is a little stressful for her, and doesn’t seem to be making a big difference.
Unlike some ducklings born with deformities who can be raised indoors or with carts or other special care, Sunny was not deformed. She was injured at 3-years-old and not properly treated. She wasn’t raised indoors either. I don’t think it is in her best interest to live an unnatural life indoors away from her chicken friends, nor do I have the time to care for an indoor duck since I work full-time. Sunny doesn’t like to be held and she isn’t extremely affectionate like a hand-raised duck either.
When I researched euthanasia for Meelee, most sites say “you’ll really know when the time is right” or “look at your pet and ask them if it’s time.” Frankly, the decision isn’t that easy. I asked Meelee if it was time and didn’t really get an answer. The only thing I noticed was that in her last weeks she seemed less “there,” like she was already leaving. Thankfully when I was at the vet with Meelee in her final moments, I had no regrets and I’m at peace with my decision to end her pain.
I think about Sunny all the time.
I wonder what it’s like to be stuck with one leg in your water dish for four hours a day. Is it just a minor inconvenience or is it a really frustrating and helpless feeling? How much does it hurt to stand on top of your foot with every step? What does it feel like to never be able to scratch an itch on your face? Do her wingtips hurt much when she breaks a bloodfeather trying to balance herself?
What if I wait too long? Does Sunny suffer needlessly while I mull over her future in detail?
What if I don’t give her enough time? Do I end her life before she needs to go?
How much pain would I need to be in before I’d ask someone to help me end my life?
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. And I haven’t made a final decision yet.
I am not taking comments on Sunny or reading emails or suggestions on her future, because I’m the only one in the position to know what’s best for her. I’ll be removing any notes on her posted to facebook or flickr or anywhere else, because her future isn’t up for debate or commentary.
It’s much too important for that. But I just wanted to share where we’re at. And I also wanted to share her sweet photos.
